Stay;

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Man, I’ve come a long way.”? Not in a vain sort of way, I don’t mean looks; just overall with life come a long way. I look back on certain times in my life and see pain, mistakes, and heart ache, and I’m fully aware I’m not alone on this. But these times sucked; that’s the only way to describe it. They weren’t pleasant then, and they’re not pleasant to look back on. Sometimes though, I need that reminder of just how far I’ve come, I need to look back; but when I do, I have to remind myself to stay.

Someone told me one time that while I was busy doubting myself, there were others that were afraid of my potential. I’m not so sure how true that was, but it was definitely the kick I needed at the time. So that’s when it all started; that’s when I started working on changing myself. And if I’m the first to tell you, so be it, but let it be known that change isn’t easy. Read that again if you need to.

CHANGE. ISN’T. EASY.

There were struggles, and there were some really dark days. Some days still are. But the change was so worth it.

Being your best to everyone is exhausting, and the only person that suffers from “your best” is you. Trust me. I spent so much time trying to be everything to everyone, and it only brought me down in the end. Stop pushing yourself to your breaking point. Change “your best”. What do I mean by that? I mean change how you view what your best is. It means the best you can do/be/give while being the best you. It means getting enough sleep. It means listening to your limits. It means giving yourself a break, and not just from work or helping others, but from life. Take time to just take a break. Your best is always better when you’re happy and healthy. And being everything for everyone is not the way to health and happiness.

I went through some really dark days, and brought myself out of them. People needed me. They needed me to be my best, not my best for them, but my best for me, so that I was able to be what they needed.

That photo quote up there, that was me. That was me every single day for longer than I care to admit. But you know what, I got up every single day, no matter how hard the struggle was. And I fought my inner demons for another day. I wasn’t living; I was surviving. My strength persevered, and I fought hard enough to survive long enough to start living again.

I started to timeline my life around a semicolon. Instead of using it as literal punctuation, it separated my life. It was that pause that I needed from who I was and who I was going to be. Before it was everything that felt negative and my survival. But after is has been life, living, and the best chaos I never knew I wanted or needed.

When you find your peace, you have to do whatever you can to protect it.
It’s okay to not pick up the phone sometimes.
It’s okay to take a day off.
It’s okay to cancel plans or say no to them altogether.
It’s okay to change your mind about things.
It’s okay to speak up; and to say no.
It’s okay to be alone and just let go.

It is okay to do whatever you need to do to protect your peace; don’t let anyone take it from you.
You don’t owe anyone what you worked so hard for.

The journey was a hard one, it still is. It’s not over just because I’ve made it this far. But now, when I look in the mirror I don’t see all of the pain, mistakes, and heart ache of my life before the semicolon; before I decided to stay. I see strength. I see strength in what I’ve been through. I see strength in the struggles I’ve faced and overcome alone. I see strength in myself for the work I put in to get to the other side of that semicolon. I see lessons learned, some much harder than others, some I wish I never had to learn the hard way. And I see lessons before me, and know I can survive them. And finally, I see pride. Pride in how I’ve handled things I’ve been through. Pride in how I carried myself through it all, the struggles and triumphs. Pride in how I chose to stay; my journey is far from over.

It is completely okay to look in the mirror and think, “Man, I’ve come along way.” You’re the only one that knows every detail of what you’ve been through. It’s completely okay to be proud of where you are. Just choose to stay;

(*If you or someone you know is struggling, they are not alone. Please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-273-8255. *)